I never felt so good going into a surgery.

The day had come for explant and I was ready. I was ready to feel like me again. To feel like my authentic self. To heal from the weird rashes and allergies. I mean, I can only use so much cortisone.

I’m not a petite person, But I am lean and I was ready to feel that way again. I was ready to release the weight off my chest (figuratively and literally). The one question: were they going to spare my nipples again or not?

I had heard horror stories of aesthetic flat closures going very wrong and people being left with flappy skin folded over nipples. I DID NOT want that. I made it very clear: “If you need to take the nipple to ensure a flat chest, please do it. I want it tight.”

By now, I have surgery prep (and recovery) down to a science and I wake up ready to kick some butt. I’m getting better and better at hydrating and the staff is getting better and better about finding my veins. I have the BEST surgeon around, Dr. Kaplan in Sacramento Kaiser and I am confident that I will come out looking my best.

Waking up without boobs, I felt so good. I felt like me again. Even with the swelling, I felt lean and light. I felt like my brain could think. After a couple weeks, my skin wasn’t itchy with rashes anymore and believe it or not, my clothes fit better. All this time I thought my clothes would fit better with boobs, you know made for a female body, but they actually fit better without! No gapping or pulling.

Best part… NO BRAS!

At first it felt really weird, after two years of wearing a bra practically non-stop, I was used to one. Now, oh my! I can wear shirts without backs, I can wear anything. I don’t need to match my bra or have deep cracks on my shoulders. I am free.

Wearing a bra now is a fashion statement. I get to choose how it looks not how it feels. I really only wear one when I have a tank top on with wide open sides, or maybe for a layered look. They can be cute, non-supportive and worn higher up on my chest, my boobs were always really low set on my chest, which makes my torso look longer! Win-win!

Life being flat is actually really great. Freeing.

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